


Phoning Home

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Starting Over [36]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 06:39:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t want a sympathy visit.” She said.  “I know that’s not what you intend it to be but it sounds like what it is.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoning Home

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Beth.”

“Is there anyway that you could maybe…” she sighed. “I know how busy you’ve been but I would love to just see your face.”

“I don’t think so. I wish I could but I’m working multiple cases right now and the paperwork is piling up and I don’t even think I'm going to be in town this week coming so…”

“She told you to stop Aaron.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Beth…”

“The case is dormant. Do I think that you should just give up? Hell no, I want you to catch this creep. But I don’t want you to…you just have to stop.”

“If you're thinking that the Replicator case is the reason I haven’t been able to make it to New York to see you that’s not true.”

“No Aaron, I'm thinking that you're just going to keep digging and digging and digging. Then you'll step back and fall into a deep hole. I think you’ve done it before. A part of me thinks that you might do it a lot.”

“I'm doing my job.” He said in a defensive tone.

“I know that.”

“I want to see you too. This isn’t about not wanting to see you.”

“I know. It’s just…you need supervision.” Beth laughed when she said it but it wasn’t very funny. “When I was there I could pull you back a bit and we could be together and you could let it go sometimes. But its different when I'm here and trying to get you to let go long enough to get on a train and get to me.”

“What are you saying?”

“I'm saying that distance is hard. It’s hard because I want to see you. I want to be with you, I want to be with Jack. I want to hold you and maybe stop the nightmares. I don't know,” Beth’s voice cracked. “I didn’t think we were going to have this conversation when I called.”

“Maybe I can come next weekend. I'm not sure but if I shuffle some things around…”

“I don’t want a sympathy visit.” She said. “I know that’s not what you intend it to be but it sounds like what it is.”

“I'm the one who said you weren't getting rid of me that easily. I said it because I love you.”

“I know. It’s getting late so I should probably go. I'm having brunch with friends tomorrow and we’re going to schlep around The Village. That would probably be a lot more fun if spring would ever get here. 

“It’s been a long winter and I've just been going from work to home. My projects have been keeping me really busy here too. Getting out in the fresh air will be perfect. It’s also just the excuse I need to wear the cool new jacket that Jack got me for Christmas.”

“OK. Well I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks. I’ll pick you up a present; maybe it will lift your spirits.”

Hotch doubted that but he thanked her anyway. Then he hung up the phone. His stomach began to churn. It started slow but then felt like he was on a boat that wouldn’t stop rocking. Hotch gripped his stomach, lay his head back on the couch, and started breathing. 

Inhale and exhale…inhale and exhale. The churning wasn’t going away but he didn’t give up. Getting up, he walked over to the window and pulled it open. The cold air made him shiver. Spring hadn't made it to Alexandria, Virginia either. 

Hotch inhaled through his nose and out through his mouth. He kept doing it, gripping the window sill until the feeling that he was going to throw up or pass out began to dissipate. Then he started to think about Beth. In his mind she was in Greenwich Village with her friends. 

She was laughing, window shopping, and enjoying life. Someone was watching her. Someone tracked her every move, creeping in the shadows unseen by most. He was close enough to reach out and touch her. Covering his mouth, Hotch rushed to the bathroom.

***

“Hotchner.”

The phone buzzing and moving on his nightstand woke him the next morning. It was early; he could barely see as he reached for it and answered. Hotch had no idea who it was but just in case the FBI was on the line he wanted to be ready.

“Good morning, Agent Hotchner.”

“Good morning.” he relaxed a little when he heard Beth’s voice. As the tension left his shoulders, he slid back down onto the bed.

“I know it’s early but I wanted to talk to you.”

“I don’t even know what time it is.” Hotch looked at his clock. 

It was barely 7am. He was surprised that he wasn’t up already. It was Saturday, and Jack was with family, but he’d always been an early riser. Last night Hotch didn’t fall asleep until almost 2am. He took something to help him relax because he couldn’t stop thinking about someone hurting Beth.

“This might be the first time I've ever woken you.” she said.

“Oh no its not.” He shook his head.

“That’s not what I was talking about.”

Even with the distance between them, Hotch knew that she was smiling. That made him smile. Damn he missed her face. She’d been right last night. The distance was hard. It weighed on him as much as it weighed on her. Hotch was trying to find a way to communicate that. So far he hadn't had much success.

“I don’t get upset because I don’t love you. I get upset because I do.” Beth said.

“I know.”

“And I don’t want you to lose you. I don’t want to lose you to this.”

“I have to do my job Beth.”

“I know that. I couldn’t sleep last night; I was trying to find a way to say what I needed to say.”

“What do you need to say?” Hotch’s stomach dropped as he cleared his throat. 

He would man up. He would find a way to deal with it if Beth ended the relationship. Love didn’t mean that two people could make it work. That was something Hotch knew from experience. He knew so many bad things from experience.

“Words aren’t always enough. I still don’t know how to say it; it was easier to show it. When we’re far apart how do you do that?”

“I don't know.” He replied.

“I think I'm coming back to DC. I miss you and I miss Jack and long distance can't work for long stretches of time. In the end someone has to make the move.”

“I don’t want you to give up your dreams for me. I don’t want you to resent me years from now because of that.”

“This isn’t just about me.” Beth said. “This is about us. I'm not giving up anything, Aaron…I'm gaining you guys. There are so many places I can work and thrive in the DC Corridor. 

“I have friends there and a life. Before we even met I was happy there. I'm always happy there, even when I'm sad. I miss _my_ life as much as I miss ours.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am sure. Something like this is probably better discussed face to face. I was just worried about you and wanted to call. I'm always worried about you.” Beth sighed. “I know you go away a lot for work but I like it better when you come back and I'm there. 

“I like weekends with you and Jack, and squeezing in movie nights, and sleepovers when we really just sleep. I hate rushing through everything. Even when we were apart before we never rushed. I am so in love with you and being away from you hurts.”

“How do I convince myself that you're not sacrificing everything for me?” Hotch asked.

“Together or apart, Aaron, I want to come home. I've been thinking about it for some time now. I love the job and I love New York. I just miss so much more. We’ll talk about it when I come home next weekend. I know you might not be there. But I'm going to spend some time with Jack because I miss his little face. If that’s OK I mean.”

“You never have to ask to spend time with Jack. He misses you too. I really thought I was doing what was best for you, Beth. I didn’t want to hold you back because I wanted you for myself. I wanted you to know that I loved you enough to let go. I didn’t want to let go completely but…”

“I understand.”

“You always understand.” He said.

“No, I don’t. There are times when I want to walk away…run away. I don’t because I love you and I'm a realist. I know that sometimes you have to fight hard for what you want the most.”

“What do you want the most, Miss Clemmons?”

“I think at this moment I really want a steak and potato omelet. I’d also really love a hug.”

“I wish I was there to give you one.”

“We’ll have to make up for it next week.” Beth said.

“I promise you that we won't rush. I don’t like doing that either.”

“OK. I actually think I'm going back to sleep for a while. I'm not meeting up with my friends until about one. I wanted to call early because I wasn’t sure what's on your schedule today.”

“I'm glad you called.” Hotch said. “I was worried. I was really worried.”

“I know. I’ll call you later.”

“Skype me.”

“That sounds dirty.” Beth laughed out loud. This time Hotch could hear the delight in it.

“You're adorable.”

“I know you are but what am I.” she laughed again. “OK, OK, I'm going. I will Skype you at about nine.”

“I look forward to it. Have fun today; and I love you.”

“Love you too Aaron. Bye.”

Beth hung up the phone, laying her pillows down and curling up in bed. She was still holding the phone close as if that made her closer to him. It didn’t. She felt the miles so much recently and it felt like a million. Three hours by train, one hour by plane; they’d said it so many times. 

In theory it was bearable. In reality, it was crushing. The time had come to make a change and Beth was going to make it. She did love her new job. She was doing something she always dreamed. 

Then she would come home at night to an empty apartment and feel sadness. She missed busy weekends and fun-filled evenings. She missed bike rides and soccer games and superhero battles. There were people in New York that she was getting to know. Beth would even say a circle of friends was developing. 

But in the DC area there were friends who were like family. There was Aaron, Jack, cherry blossoms, and places to go hiking. Sometimes she felt isolated and alone in a city of 12 million. Life needed more than work to make it complete. It was why she called the place she left five months ago, and everything that was still there, home. There would never be another place like it.

***


End file.
